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We shoot our accountants in the foot after Like Gambling sites, buying traffc for adult
shooting ourselves in the foot account by entertainment sites is a lottery. A Numbers
account, draining dollars as clicks in CPM and game. An odds-on favorite for futility festivals
CPC and PPC keep us up at night like sparrows of climbing page-view stats gracefully arcing in
in a Stephen King novel. colorful graphs over the straight, steady line of
non-conversions.
So-and-so said their conversions were
amazing after they purchased here (or was it It makes one wonder... about turning to crime,
there?), until you realize their conversions have perhaps? Surfers sure like their free porn, or
been the same for the last ten years regardless maybe it’s stealing and sharing in torrents,
of their latest trend spend. or maybe they just enjoy page loads, perhaps
taking psychedelics just to watch the screen
When it’s not the clickety-clicks trilling away draw itself one pixel-line at. a. time. dude.
keeping you up at night it’s the nightmare
thump of your domain loading up parked, So visits to joins are higher than the THC count
referring surfers to a list of dozens of randomly spurting from a neo-Deadhead’s eyes after a
generated competitors whose sites you’re lungful of bong Kush, sign-ups are lower than
afraid to actually check in case the nightmare is a site owner’s head in a bucket of KFC - what is
real and you’re all in some endless circle-jerk the latter to do to motivate the former to click
loop of parked domains referring each other’s something other than “Next Babe, Dude”?
traffc to each other’s parked domains.
Well, if the visitor count is truly high, traffc
After the test runs, and the free trials and the acquisition expenses can always be off-set
head chef’s special sauce and the conversion by selling ads, before that market dries up or
guru’s sincere annointment and qualifed this becomes a snake eating its own tail again by
and GEO-targeted that, what do we do? itself turning to traffc vs. advertising.

This is one of the only businesses where we At least its a more elegant circle-jerk than
have to lose money - like, big time - failing blind-link to pop-up to horse porn... kinda like
test-runs because they don’t convert, over the parked-domain CJ, except we pay for it;
and over again. They say you have to keep money in, money out!
the traffc up, consistently, for much longer,
to enable returns, bookmarking, and habit- And we can’t even blackhat spambomb the
surfng to form. search engines anymore, even the dumbest
ones are smarter than we are.
And so much more advice about qualifying
sources such as traffc from countries that And, not that it will resolve the traffc
process with MasterCard and VISA, countries conundrum, but our next step should be to
where English is at least a second language, the turn into SEO Marketing and Traffc Wizards,
education levels are high... except that this will be a limited market and
will soon saturate as half of us will be snake-oil
And content. Content is King, they say, selling our grand SE Wizardry to the other half,
doesn’t matter how qualifed the traffc is if the at which point we’ll just have to swap clients
content stinks, right? Better tours, that’s what until they get bored of our shit (so 1998) or
you need. More video, less pics, unless it’s BTS! they’ll turn to the SEO market and we’ll go back
VR is the next wave! It’s broadband but is going to swapping underskirt pics or surfers will buy
to be bigger! Community funding public access into the porn site business and together, we
Porn, that’s the ticket! and the surfers-turned-owners, will be sitting
in that lonely, silent drive-in of the flthy mind
We certainly don’t need porn like we need listening to a single cricket, looking at a giant,
medications, groceries and batteries, or blank screen.
shoelaces (yes you can buy those online to
hang yourself in prison after you’re convicted There. Satisfed? Feel better now? Get back to
of strangling a mime while making as much work.
noise as possible; the guards will let you, they
understand).

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